My Silver Lining

silver

My recent depression relapse has a wonderfully unexpected silver lining! I have had significantly fewer migraine attacks since I became officially ‘unwell’ again.

I couldn’t tell you for sure if this has more to do with the medication I am on (Citalopram, if you are interested), or with the depression itself. But I feel like I have been kind of ‘letting it all hang out’ recently; and this new, more relaxed state of mind has significantly lowered my migraine status.

I can feel it in my body as lower blood pressure. I no longer seem to live in a cortisol-induced state of panic. Citalopram is used to treat anxiety as well as depression, so that could be what’s going on here. But mentally, I feel a sense of letting go too. I feel a sense of ‘fuck it, it’s not worth stressing over’. And that’s a beautiful thing.

I seem to have more focus when I can keep my thoughts together. And on the days that I can’t, I am less harsh with myself about taking a break instead of pushing through.

And if recognising my silver lining is a form of gratitude, which is what it feels like to me, then I am grateful for my depression relapse.

We go through these things to learn from them and to grow. And I think my lesson this time might be this:

Stop overthinking and start living!

What’s going on for you right now, and what could you learn from it?

An Elective Orphan x

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