I like big buts and I cannot lie – and I hate the little ones!

I like big buts

Just what is my title all about? It’s about objections; legitimate ones, and excuses too.

Big buts, I’m talking really huge ones (LOL), are the genuine things. The road-blocks that genuinely get in the way of our progress, and that need to be worked around. Little buts, the ones that I do not like, are just objections; procrastination traps and self-sabotage. The little lies we tell ourselves, those ‘reasons’ we can’t move forward.

When people come to me for advice I find it is sometimes hard to give it. It’s not that I don’t have much to say, on the contrary, and who doesn’t love sharing their experiences and opinions? I find it’s hard to get the advice across because people don’t really want it.  They can’t object to my solutions quick enough.

Yes, yes, they did just ask for it. But they didn’t really mean what they said. When you offer help and are immediately met with a series of little buts, trust me, they didn’t want advice, they just wanted to have a moan and be heard.

So what can you do?

Well, the advice-giving is pretty pointless. If you keep offering solutions to each little ‘but’ then you are in danger of colluding, of jumping down into that hole the person in front of you has fallen in to. So stop, stand your ground, and ask a question instead. Questions are so much more powerful than answers. An answer presented to someone who didn’t really want one will only result in more little buts. A question might just get them to look upwards, out of that hole they are in.

An Elective Orphan x

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